Thanks to everyone who posted a comment on The Perfect Date, I’m so relieved to know I’m not the only one who has felt anxiety (instead of just pure bliss) when things go well!
So although I knew it was unlikely to see him again before 2009, I have to say this waiting is making me insane. No, worse than that, it’s making me over-analyze. If there’s one thing I hate to be, it’s a typical woman over-analyzing a bunch of stupid stuff. UGH!!!
Yes, I did hear from him after my first blog, a text that said he can’t wait to see me again (last Friday), which was after an earlier phone call where he re-iterated how much fun he had on our last date. I knew end of quarter would mean work hell for him (and more so since he’s a self-confessed workaholic), and I also know that today, Jan 1st, is his sacred watch-football-all-day-I’ll-be-MIA.
It’s likely I’ll hear from him tomorrow or later this weekend, and once we talk, I’ll feel stupid for stressing out all week. But let me tell ya, in all honesty – I have been absolutely sabotaging this inside my head for almost 7 days now. I have never had to wait this long for a man to call, especially with so many fireworks from the get-go. It’s odd, but then, he is kind of odd. It’s why I like him so much – he’s not typical. And yes, my eye surgery, the holidays, end of quarter, all calls and texts clear indicate he is very much still interested. Blah blah blah. It’s been almost a week, and nothing. I don’t like it.
Thankfully I have held strong and avoided the mistake of texting and calling him any further – as it is clearly his move now. The thing is, I’be gone from being excited and optimistic to irritated and skeptical. At first I was sure this was insecurity and let-downs from the past, but today I realized what’s bugging me.
My biggest complaint about dating in my late 30’s here in the Bay Area is what I call the Green Grass syndrome. There are so many single people here, successful, fun, smart – and as such, I’ve found that people take their sweet ol’ time in courtship. Even when there’s a phenomenal connection and mutal interest, it seems like there’s a feeling that perhaps there is something just as good, or even better, just around the corner. No need to get this person off the market by securing next dates fast, or heaven forbid, make a commitment. He/She will still be around. If not, there are always others. I’ve traveled extensively, and I’m absolutely convinced this phenomenon is unique to this area. It is perhaps why we have one of the highest singles rates in the country, and one of the lowest in terms of relationship satisfaction.
In any case, what I liked about what was happening initially with this guy is it was busting my Green Grass theory. Actually, probably moving waaaay to fast in terms of emotional and (very soon to be) physical intimacy. But the pace was refreshing because it was so anti-Bay Area, and I had singulary attributed this to the fact that this guy was originally from the Midwest. I lived in the Midwest for a few years and I can tell ya, when a guy meets a women that takes his breath away, he doesn’t tell her that over and over again and then wait a freakin’ week to even call or text or anything.
So, I don’t get it. Yes, I’ll be patient. Yes, I’ll wait him out. And yes, I would love to see him again. If he asks, I’m there. But here’s what’s changed: my guard is back up. I’m certainly not going to entertain any kind of physical relationship any time soon. Because he was a man who seemed to know exactly what he wanted, found it, and was pursuing it quickly, I was likewise ready to throw caution to the wind, no games, and give this 100% effort. Now I’m cautious, and emotionally have rolled all my enthusiasm back to the stage of Date #1. I have to, or I can’t wait for a week to hear from you, it’s just too scary and unnerving. Sorry.
If you wonder what happened, well, you waited too long to call. I don’t need a check-in every day, or even every few days. But a week? It’s too long, it tells me you’re really not that interested despite what you say, actions always speak louder than words.
What do you think? Am I expecting too much too soon? Or am I getting played a little, with the compliments and “you’re perfect, I don’t want to date anyone else” simply a ruse to get some action sooner rather than later? Is a week to call a long time or a reasonable time to wait to talk?