Category Archives: Reflections

20s vs 30s

So I thought I would start my blog by looking back @ the “20s.” Since we mentioned (or maybe we didn”t but you”ll soon learn) that we are all 30-somethings trying to make our way in the crazy Bay Area dating world, my blogging compatriots and I can all at least vaguely remember dating in our 20s.

But, just to make sure I wasn”t representing it incorrectly, I asked the 20s kids @ work. I didn”t spend my 20s in the Bay Area, so I thought, “maybe it”s different here for a 24 year old?” And they said….well, they said pretty much nothing…

At first I was frustrated, and I asked them again and a slightly different question to try to elicite a result. And then I realized that their answer (or non-answer) was exactly what I was looking for. These are smart kids – if they had something to say they would say it very eloquently. But, when I was 24, I didn”t think about dating either. It was just something I did – or didn”t do…Pretty much without any forethought or afterthought.

It was often a whirlwind and also often fun, I have to admit. The high and lows were all a little manic – a relationship could be going well one week and then totally forgotten the next. There was always the next thing to move on to – whether is was a new partner, dating again, or getting back to the single life.

And then my 30s hit…

My friends started getting married, buying houses, settling in, and – eek! – having kids. It”s all good, and I was so happy to see my friends find what they were looking for. But at the same time, I felt impending dread. Dating that used to be so fun had such import – whether I really wanted it to or not. It all had meaning and was burdened with thoughts of the future.

Okay, so are you depressed now? Well, that isn”t my purpose with this first post. Dating in my 30s did look dismal @ the beginning of my 30s, but I slowly started to discover the reality of dating in my 30s.

—-Yes, I am saying “reality.” I promised in my profile that I would be real, and I won”t disappoint.— So I agree it”s not all roses and soul mates, but it is also not the scary, unhappy, frantic experience it might be portrayed elsewhere as. So, why do I like dating in my 30s?

I don”t bother pretending that I”m someone else and that”s okay.

No, I am not going to say “I know myself better.” That”s a little schmaltzy and also a life-long journey. But, in my 20s, I often tried to be whoever the guy I was dating wanted. Now, at least I know who I am not, and I feel pretty comfortable putting that out there for whoever I am dating.

I feel totally empowered to say NO to the bull@$*%.

Perspective from dating in my 20s has taught me that the BS is rarely worth it. I”m not saying that working at a good relationship is bad. But if he gives me the run-around constantly, I”m pretty clear that the relationship isn”t going to work in the long run.

I know to be careful but not too careful.

I”ve had enough experience to know what is going to freak out a potential partner or date unintentionally – and by now, it”s pretty easy to avoid those pitfalls. On the other hand, I also know what my true colors are and I let those show.

Basically, I can quickly get through the shenanigans and understand if there is potential with someone sooner. It”s not that it is all about cutting to the chase, but it is about not banging my head against the wall. and it is about avoiding the frustration of doing the same thing over and over.

So, dating in your 30s is about understanding yourself a little more and what you want a little more…. And that”s better than the shot in the dark dating in your 20s was. And for the rest of the parts of dating that we all aren”t totally sure about, that what this blog is for. We”ll follow this crazy road together…

Until our next date,

Ms. WS

Why DatingThoughts.com?

Ok, I am quite excited that DatingThoughts.com has finally launched. Mr. Write and I probably first talked about starting this site over year ago—and we just now got our act together. Better late than never I guess!

Why DatingThoughts.com?

For single girls and guys in their late twenties to thirties, dating and the search to find ‘the one’ take up so much mental energy. I have never seen a topic bring out such a wide spectrum of emotions in friends. Joy, excitement, anticipation, drama, regret, and worry… they are all here. It is a topic that everyone loves talking about, even (especially?!?) people who are not even dating! Most of my single friends keep public blogs or private journals where they comment on their dating experiences, give tips to the opposite sex, vent, and/or theorize as to the underlying principles of dating. So we thought, why not create a single blog/community were we can combine all these interesting (and often very entertaining) “dating thoughts” into one place?

DatingThoughts.com is an experiment really. Who knows, by reading and commenting on all the different perspectives and experiences, we just might also learn something. Please be sure to leave comments on the posts to tell us what you think. Thanks for reading!

Hello world!

Since every blog has a generic “Hello world!” initial post, we, of course, had to have one too. (That, plus we were too lazy to remove it.)

Welcome to DatingThoughts.com, a resource created by several professionals in their early thirties who live in the San Francisco Bay Area, California. As it says on our About page:

Whenever we would get together with our friends for dinner, we found that the topic of dating was always the most interesting and popular to come up. We would always have funny or strange stories to tell, lessons learned, and, of course, lots theories on dating that we would develop as we negotiated the dating scene in our search for ”the one.” We also found that most us kept personal blogs or private journals where we often write about our thoughts on dating. Thus, the idea behind DatingThoughts.com was born: What if we created a blog-style website where we all would contribute these ‘thoughts’ so we can share them with each other and the world? At the very least, we thought it would be entertaining. But besides entertainment, we also thought DT.com could actually help provide some support and maybe advice for those who often find the dating process to be daunting and stressful.

More posts coming soon. Enjoy!