By Eric J. Leech, author of Love, Lust, and Relationships
A bad boy (a.k.a. player) is a guy who plays women to get what he wants, which is usually sex. You can find these characters at bars, on dating websites, or carousing the deli department at your local grocery store. This term developed in reference to the “dating game”, in which guys have learned the key to winning, is creating an image that fits a woman’s ideal man. Women base their physical relationships from the strength of their union with a guy. The more connected she feels, the more nooky he receives, and thus the hardcore player was born. It is a fine line a bad boy walks. He has five rules to live by in order to hold a woman’s interest. However, within these 5 principles, you’ll soon discover the antidote to his charm.
He’s An Interrogation Master –
A player doesn’t waste time chatting about the weather. He has an agenda to keep, which includes finding your weaknesses and preying upon them. The average guy will take the long road to get to know you, but the player will jump right into your intimate territory. This may seem bold, but it can actually be quite a welcome change from the typical John Wayne conversation you may be used to (yup, nope, head nod, etc.,). The player does not really care about your past relationships, passion, or fashion. He interrogates you to get what he needs to create an image that will send him to the top of your most-wanted list. Once there, he can be sure you won’t be too quick to dethrone him, provided, he maintains your confidence.
He Can Do No Wrong –
Despite what has been written in trashy romance novels, the ideal man is not suave, in control, and can resist the appeal of real butter (Fabio). He is nervous and chatty. When a man arches his shoulders, crosses his legs, or chatters uncontrollably, he is trying to appear approachable and non-threatening. The player does not want to place himself among your level. He wants to be above it, in control, which is why he may seem impressively sure of himself. He wants you to think you can relinquish yourself into his care, believing he knows what you need. However, he doesn’t. Getting to know someone takes a lot of time and attention, neither of which a player has.
He’s a Mystery Man –
Players are fortunate women are attracted to mysterious men, because if they knew what he was really like, they’d not be too impressed. One of the reason’s mystery works, is it allows the opportunity to bestow any characteristic you’re looking for in a man. He may not talk much about past relationships, so you assume he is kind, compassionate, and faithful. Studies suggest women are drawn to men who give mixed signals. This is the player’s style, drawing women in with compliments and promises, then keeping her at bay with his non-action. Players live in secrecy, taking discrete phone calls, going on mystical business trips, and complaining about other women they refer to as stalkers.
He’s Hot… No Wait, He’s Cold –
This takes us to the players dating style, which is very hot and cold. The player will start things by wining and dining, complimenting, and gushing over you. However, once he has won you over, he will leave you waiting by the phone. This is because a player fears commitment and intimacy, more than he does loneliness and instability. He loves the chase, but becomes quickly bored by the conquered. You can’t change a player. Once you step onto his roller coaster, you will be in store for a series of exhilaration and let downs. Don’t be fooled by the thrill of the high, because a dating relationship must have trust and security to be truly worthy of any long-term commitment.
He Won’t Commit to Anything –
A player is hard to hold down to plans. He will lie about not being able to attend engagements with friends and family. He believes he can pull the wool over your eyes, but unlikely an entire group. His favorite excuses are, “My battery died,” “I didn’t know you called,” “I was stuck in heavy traffic,” and “I got stuck in my trunk after my battery died.” This last excuse is reserved for when the stuff really hits the fan. The player is always weighing his options before making a commitment. This means the majority of your time will be spent on last minute dates, better known as hooking up. Emergencies do come up. However, when relatives die, then miraculously come back to life during a discussion that same week, he’s not even trying anymore.