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What is Love? Part 3 – Where to find it

Where the Heck Is Love?

So, where the heck do you find love? Well, the word “love” was spread out across the field during the Super Bowl halftime show this year. Was it there? Maybe it was at the party you went to. Maybe not.

Of the three ingredients of éros – attraction, readiness, and compatibility – the third is the most difficult to find.

How do you figure out how compatible someone is with you? Live together? Yikes! Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Prior knowledge is useful. You know what I mean if the one you want is someone you already know. She might even be someone else’s girlfriend. (Hey, if she’s not married, she’s a prospect. All you have to do is wait for the right moment. Anyway…)

Too often guys make the mistake of getting into a relationship with someone they don’t know at all, as in those cases when meeting a girl at the bar who spends the night, and the next night, and the next. Worse is getting comfortable with that person, getting married, having a kid, and realizing you don’t really like each other. Hey, it happens.

Raise the probability

Having “relationships” with women – not just sex – makes finding compatibility easier. Take the woman virtually everyone has experience with: Mom. Some guys find wives or girlfriends just like their mothers.

Most people, especially guys, probably don’t think about their parents as measuring sticks for finding love. Though that might be helpful, it’s probably a better idea to go by psychological types. (No, that’s not the same as “psycho”.)

It’s far beyond the scope of this article to explain what psychological types are. Besides, I explain it to some degree in the second half of my book, AlphaDog, Get The Bitch You Want (tongue in cheek). So let’s keep this as simple as possible.

Say for example you love football. I mean, you LOVE it. You can describe in detail how the Packers scored the first touchdown and dominated the Superbowl with 11 point leads. (Sorry, Steelers fans.) How do you find a partner in life who can appreciate your love for football? Tough question. But one thing you would want to look out for, if you’re the type of person to recall games in detail, is a certain quality in someone who appreciates details. For example, maybe her eyes light up as she listen to you explain the plays.

Since getting to know every single woman out there is impossible, there are obvious things you can do to raise the probability that a woman you meet is compatible with you, e.g., appreciates your passions.

  1. Be in the right place at the right time
  2. Get friends to help
  3. Use a matchmaker

Be in the right place at the right time.

A lot of couples in love got to know each other at school, working together, or among their circle of friends. It’s no mystery that you can meet the right person at the workplace, or through people you already know.

You can also be smarter about meeting new people.

Carl Jung, the “father” of clinical psychoanalysis, came up with two fundamental ways the human brain works: the way we take in information and the way we make decisions. Katherine Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers, a mother-daughter team, expanded on Jung’s theories and developed the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator), a tool used to figure out what kind of job we should get and how we get along with each other. Alexander Avila has taken the MBTI to a more intimate level explaining how different types hypothetically interact during romance. He offers suggestions in his book, LoveTypes, on where you’re more likely to find your personality match.

Get friends to help.

Countless times, random guys have asked me if I have any single friends. This is great and all, but you think I’d hook up my friends with some guy I don’t know? Ask people you like – who know and like you – if they have single friends they can introduce you to.

Well, some friends might be poor judges, but getting friends to help exponentially raises the probability of finding someone. Works great especially when friends have that sixth sense (or a good working knowledge of personality type theory).

Use a matchmaker

If you’re out of luck on the friends-with-sixth-sense front, you could always hire a matchmaker. Matchmaking has been around for centuries. Hey, it must work.

(And, of course, there’s the Internet.)

It’s Out There

Love might have only been written on the Cowboys Stadium field. But it’s out there. Be smart about where you look.