Tag Archives: dating advice

New Year’s Dating Resolutions

Was 2011 a tough year for romance? Or for other reasons? Loneliness can be our biggest enemy especially when accompanied by heart-wrenching conflicts. You know, the ones that get us begging to an unseen being, or asking, “WHY?” Whether the struggle is within relationships or fighting through life’s challenges, there is nothing like loneliness to force us to feel the pain.

Fortunately, we can also triumph over loneliness either by learning to be comfortable alone or by finding companionship.

Television producer, Tamara Duricka Johnson, triumphed by the latter method, which she shares in her new book, 31 Dates in 31 Days. The title explains. In the new year following her 31st birthday, Tamara (rhymes with camera) would have 31 dates, one date every day for 31 days.

Can you imagine having a date with a different person every day for a month? Most of us probably don’t have the energy to do it. But it became Tamara’s mission in her quest to answer, “Why am I still single?!” (Note that the question wasn’t, “Where is my future husband?”)

Make a resolution count

If you’re in the habit of making new years’ resolutions, you’ve likely failed to keep at least some of them.

Resolutions should resolve something, such as a problem. Maybe one of the reasons why so many people give up on diet or weight resolutions, is because diet and weight are not really problems unless they are causing life-threatening conditions, like heart disease or diabetes. Of course, there’s prevention, but unless there’s a real reason to change something, why change?

An effective resolution requires a willingness to change. Without that willingness, nothing will change. Unfortunately, it’s too easy to get comfortable, be lackadaisical, or not really care. Hence, unwillingness.

To make a resolution really count, do this:

  1. Quit complaining
  2. Desire change
  3. Write attainable goals

The aim is resolution. In other words, you must become resolved about whatever the issue is. In the case of loneliness, the aim could be to either become content with being alone, or find companionship.

Tamara wasn’t about learning to be alone, but she was willing to learn to be that way. She made a plan, designated dating rules, then put out the word about her “project”. At the very least she would learn something even if she didn’t find companionship.

So how do you make a resolution that actually resolves?

First of all, you have to want to become resolved, or want change. If you don’t really want to change anything, then don’t bother trying. But if you do really want change, the key is in your goals. And goals need aim.

Aim vs. goal

A soccer player doesn’t score a goal without aim. When he aims, the goal cage is the focus. Not having aim puts the ball in any direction. Making goals is nearly impossible without aim.

Tamara’s aim was to conquer loneliness. Her goal: go on 31 dates in 31 days.

It’s much easier to attain goals, when your aim is clear. And it’s much easier to reach goals when they are attainable. For example, a goal of losing 20 pounds can be exciting at first, but it can get taxing when you’re 18 pounds away. Make the aim 20 pounds and the goal losing 1 pound per week. (Then remember the weeks will be up and down.) Or make the aim having more energy.

The dating resolution

If you want to change your dating life for the better, make your aim clear, and set attainable goals.

The following table lists some examples of aims and goals.



  • Make new friends
  • Meet one new person every week for 20 weeks
  • Learn something about yourself
  • Go on 2 dates with 3 people who are not your type
  • Conquer loneliness
  • Frequent a new place every weekend for 3 months

Whatever your resolution, set fun goals. Your life should have quality, so don’t make yourself miserable.

For inspiration, read Tamara’s book available in bookstores or on Amazon. It’s funny and insightful, and gives an inside look at her joys, despairs, and triumphs. For more about Tamara’s project, visit 31datesin31days.com.

Wing Girls Make Great Girlfriends

Maybe I’m blowing my own bubble, but I asked my boyfriend and he thinks it’s okay that I write about the wing girl-“great girlfriend” paradigm. I’ll try to be brief.

You might already know, or can easily guess, why a wing girl would make a “great” girlfriend. So, maybe this is really for all the girls out there seeking a significant other.

Here’s the short list:

  1. Wing girls ‘got your back– They look out for others’ benefit. It’s a pretty selfless act to speak on behalf of another in order to win the listener’s favor for someone else. That tendency for a wing girl to look out for friends is a clear indication of the girl’s altruism. That, according to the AlphaDog book, is like an alpha dog. It might not feel natural at first to do something for someone else that you would normally do for yourself– i.e., make a pickup. But once you experience the reward that comes with selfless acts, getting into a habit of looking outward isn’t far beyond.
  2. Wing girls just want to have fun– Lightheartedness is a key attribute men love. Ladies, if you have a hard time lightening up but you agree with this statement, maybe it’s time to get radical about whatever personal issues are holding you back from enjoying life to the fullest. Life is too short to hold onto bitterness, sorrow, or regret. Learn from life’s experiences and move on. Look around. I see young men and women regularly who lost limbs in Iraq and Afghanistan. Maybe you lost a part of your soul from a terrible incident. This doesn’t mean that you can’t get back your dignity. This is part of the balance of life. Deal with the issues, get over them, and learn to enjoy life.
  3. Wing girls empathize– In order for a wing girl to really help someone else, she has to understand what that person thinks or feels. She has to be in touch with that person enough to meet his or her relationship needs. That means being a good listener, putting aside personal issues or problems to focus on the other person, and making an effort to understand his or her perspective. It also means not assuming before listening what the other person thinks. Presumption is the greatest barrier to empathy. Typically, we might think of a guy to only be interested in food and football. But he has feelings too. He probably prefers not to discuss them, but he has them. Just because he has more testosterone, which has been scientifically proven to play a factor in anti-social behavior, doesn’t mean he is not affected by emotions. So, ladies, be sensitive to men. Pay some attention and try to understand where men come from.

So, ladies, if you’re wondering what you can do to increase your man magnetism, remember these three things. Be more selfless. Be lighthearted, not just when you’re having a good time, but also amidst day-to-day drudgery. Be empathetic.

And guys, it can work for you, too.