Tag Archives: dating

20s vs 30s

So I thought I would start my blog by looking back @ the “20s.” Since we mentioned (or maybe we didn”t but you”ll soon learn) that we are all 30-somethings trying to make our way in the crazy Bay Area dating world, my blogging compatriots and I can all at least vaguely remember dating in our 20s.

But, just to make sure I wasn”t representing it incorrectly, I asked the 20s kids @ work. I didn”t spend my 20s in the Bay Area, so I thought, “maybe it”s different here for a 24 year old?” And they said….well, they said pretty much nothing…

At first I was frustrated, and I asked them again and a slightly different question to try to elicite a result. And then I realized that their answer (or non-answer) was exactly what I was looking for. These are smart kids – if they had something to say they would say it very eloquently. But, when I was 24, I didn”t think about dating either. It was just something I did – or didn”t do…Pretty much without any forethought or afterthought.

It was often a whirlwind and also often fun, I have to admit. The high and lows were all a little manic – a relationship could be going well one week and then totally forgotten the next. There was always the next thing to move on to – whether is was a new partner, dating again, or getting back to the single life.

And then my 30s hit…

My friends started getting married, buying houses, settling in, and – eek! – having kids. It”s all good, and I was so happy to see my friends find what they were looking for. But at the same time, I felt impending dread. Dating that used to be so fun had such import – whether I really wanted it to or not. It all had meaning and was burdened with thoughts of the future.

Okay, so are you depressed now? Well, that isn”t my purpose with this first post. Dating in my 30s did look dismal @ the beginning of my 30s, but I slowly started to discover the reality of dating in my 30s.

—-Yes, I am saying “reality.” I promised in my profile that I would be real, and I won”t disappoint.— So I agree it”s not all roses and soul mates, but it is also not the scary, unhappy, frantic experience it might be portrayed elsewhere as. So, why do I like dating in my 30s?

I don”t bother pretending that I”m someone else and that”s okay.

No, I am not going to say “I know myself better.” That”s a little schmaltzy and also a life-long journey. But, in my 20s, I often tried to be whoever the guy I was dating wanted. Now, at least I know who I am not, and I feel pretty comfortable putting that out there for whoever I am dating.

I feel totally empowered to say NO to the bull@$*%.

Perspective from dating in my 20s has taught me that the BS is rarely worth it. I”m not saying that working at a good relationship is bad. But if he gives me the run-around constantly, I”m pretty clear that the relationship isn”t going to work in the long run.

I know to be careful but not too careful.

I”ve had enough experience to know what is going to freak out a potential partner or date unintentionally – and by now, it”s pretty easy to avoid those pitfalls. On the other hand, I also know what my true colors are and I let those show.

Basically, I can quickly get through the shenanigans and understand if there is potential with someone sooner. It”s not that it is all about cutting to the chase, but it is about not banging my head against the wall. and it is about avoiding the frustration of doing the same thing over and over.

So, dating in your 30s is about understanding yourself a little more and what you want a little more…. And that”s better than the shot in the dark dating in your 20s was. And for the rest of the parts of dating that we all aren”t totally sure about, that what this blog is for. We”ll follow this crazy road together…

Until our next date,

Ms. WS