Tag Archives: talking

Starting the conversation

There she is. She walked by and your heart skipped a beat. You really, really want to talk to you but you can’t for the life of you imagine what you’d say. A lot of guys have trouble initiating conversations with girls which is why so many revert to stupid pickup lines that, in almost all cases, won’t work. And let’s face it, even though we’re in the new millennium, we’re not yet at a place and time where all women are comfortable approaching men. It’s still our job to initiate communication. And here’s a few ways to do it.

One of my working theories about girls is that they’re always wearing something that they’d love to tell you about. Most girls put a lot of thought into their clothes, jewelry, and accessories. I know some that like to make sure their underwear matches their outerwear. Girls think a lot about their appearance, a lot more than us guys who hang around in old sweats and holey t-shirts do. If you can pick out something about her appearance that’s unique, you have your first topic.

Now, you absolutely should not go up and say you couldn’t help noticing how beautiful she is. This typically brings up her defenses and you run the risk of coming off as insincere. Things to notice and comment on include unique jewelry, an interesting hat, a nice watch, a shirt with a unique design, sunglasses, and tattoos. I actually met one of my girlfriends by asking her about the tattoo she had behind her ear. As it turned out, she loved telling people about her tattoos and we had an extended conversation. The rest is history.

Phrasing is important too. Use something along the lines of, “I’m sorry for interrupting, I just couldn’t help but notice your ______. It’s really interesting and I was wondering what it means/where you got it/what the story behind it is?” Most girls will be excited that you noticed something that means a lot to her or that she spent a lot of time considering. Don’t worry about formal introductions at this point, just let the conversation flow.

Another good way to start the conversation is to mention something that’s related to where you are or what’s going on. For instance, if you’re standing in line waiting to order food, you can ask if she’s been there before and if she could recommend anything. If you’re at a sports bar and she’s sitting by the TV, you can ask if she knows the score or if so-and-so has played well. Again, introductions aren’t as important as getting the conversation going. You can even make exclamations into conversation starters. Taking the sports bar example, standing close to the girl of your interest and just proclaiming out loud something like, “oh wow, that was an incredible shot” may be enough to get a response.

The last easy way to start a conversation involves a bit of evesdropping. If you can position yourself close to the girl of your interest and overhear what she’s talking about, you can wait to hear about something that you know about and then interject. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help but overhear you talking about Chinese food. I know this great little place nearby to here that you may enjoy.” It’s very important that you not stalk the girl in order to overhear the conversation, just move yourself or your group close to her, keep your back turned towards her and just listen for an opportunity.

The goal for all of these approaches is to get the conversation started. Make sure to talk to her as if she’s someone you’ve known for a while, not as someone you just met. Don’t pepper her with questions about her life that she may not feel comfortable sharing with you yet. Questions about work, family, and home should be left for a date. Focus on interesting things, let the conversation flow from the initial topic to the next one. Don’t be afraid to make jokes (though watch the sarcasm) and tease a bit. And most of all, have fun.